HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
by elbowmacaroni
Summary: Sora is trying to do something amazing and unpredictible to impress Kairi, and he might have taken that a tinsy, WINSY, little bit too far... And then Riku finds out... Yeah, um... oh boy!


"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAIRI!" Sora flipped on the light as Kairi walked into her seemingly lonely apartment.

"Sora!" gasped Kairi, laughing. "You scared me."

"That's the point of a surprise. And so is this." Sora pointed to a huge, colorfully wrapped box on the coffee table.

"It's so… big. You shouldn't have!" Kairi leapt at the box, tearing at the wrapping paper ravenously. She giggled maniacally as she did so, the essence of pure, innocent joy. Kairi finally reached a large white box with King Mickey's insignia on it.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she said. "It's royal! Oh my God, Sora, you really shouldn't have!" She threw the lid off the box and squealed in delight.

"Now Kairi," warned Sora, "this isn't a toy. It is a very precise instrument of defense used only in times of danger. You are not to use this unless you are being attacked by Heartless, okay? Do you understand me?"

But Kairi wasn't listening. She took the Keyblade out of the box, struggling. It was heavy. The weapon was bright pink with gold trim. It was diamond studded with an Ipod holder in the handle. Again she squealed.

"AIIEEEE! SORA, THIS IS…. AWESOME! Is that an Ipod holder?"

"Unfortunately so… I couldn't get it without…"

"This will look so awesome with my new shoes!"

"KAIRI!" said Sora. "Your Keyblade is not a fashion accessory. I don't want you to abuse it like so. This has powers that you have and probably won't find out about, but if you do you could wipe this entire world's population out."

"Uh-huh…"

"But I did buy it for you to use somewhat. I wanted to know if you'd like to come Heartless-slaying with me on Saturday, in Wonderland. The slayer of the most Heartless wins five-hundred munny."

"Eeeew!" said Kairi. "I don't plan to kill… I plan to show off!"

"So yes? You'll come?" said Sora desperately.

"Ummmm… whatever. Okay."

"Yes!" said Sora. "I'll pick you up at eight."

_**THE NEXT DAY**_

_Briiiinnnggg. Briiiiinnnnggg._

Riku's phone rang, beckoning for him to crawl out of bed. He hated when people, mostly Kairi, called him at eleven o'clock in the morning. Didn't they know he was sleeping? How rude.

"Hello?" he said in a sleepy slur.

"Ummm, Riku?"

Kairi. Of course.

"What, Kairi?" He rubbed his forehead. A monster migraine was coming on.

"Well, you know how Sora got me that Keyblade, right? The one that's a weapon or something?"

"HE DID WHAT!" Riku stood up in anger.

"Yeah, well, I accidentally blew up the mall. And killed everyone in and fifty miles in radius of it…"

"Kairi. Put. The. Keyblade. On. The. Coffee. Table. And do not touch it."

"Why?"

"Because-"

"Well, I've gotta go. I'm having lunch with my friends!" Dial tone.

"#$!" yelled Riku. He picked up the phone and dialed Sora's number.

"Hello?" Sora wouldn't be cheery for long.

"Kairi blew up the mall." said Riku matter-of-factly.

"Pardon me?" Sora sounded mildly shocked. "She didn't take it to the mall, did she?"

"Yep. And blew it up."

"Any casualties?" Sora sounded pained.

"Everyone in the mall and fifty miles all around it."

"I told her not to take out the Keyblade!"

"Dude. She is a wall! She refuses to listen! In this scenario, you are, sadly, the weaker mind. What were you thinking, buying her a Keyblade? Why not give her a crate of explosives and a machine gun and send her into Town Square, then tell her not to use them. SHE'LL USE IT ANYWAY! Why don't you give her a puppy and some anesthesia? Tell her don't give it to the dog. BUT SHE WILL! You act like you _want_ her to kill. You act like you want her to humiliate you!"

"Yeah, but I did get it for her to use as a weapon. Not in the mall, of course, but to go Heartless-slaying with me…"

Riku hung up on Sora. Just by the way he sounded, he wasn't taking that Keyblade off of Kairi. Not at all. It looked like Riku was going to have to take matters into his own hands.

He went and got dressed and grabbed the keys to his gothic Gummi ship. It was black with purple flames painted on the sides and a skull on the hood. As he drove, or rather, flew, he got angrier and angrier. MCR screamed out the windows as he too screamed along, yet taking care in making sure not to run any red lights. About thirty minutes later, he pulled into Kairi's driveway, preparing himself. He grabbed his Keyblade and went to the door, then knocked.

_To be continued…_u

number.\ku. He picked up the phone and dialled of it...o'world's, okay? ment.


End file.
